I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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