....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
