11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's shark week go big or go home
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
