mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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