so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
