hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
