i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
