Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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