Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
