I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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