I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
