I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yo dont text me then not text me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
