Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
