It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
