My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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