i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
