I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
