The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She needs sedatives and a leash
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
