he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
