Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
