Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
