he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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