i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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