I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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