If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
