those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
