Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
