Soap is not a condiment
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
