There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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