Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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