Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
