Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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