You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
