but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
