Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
