if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
