i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
