Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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