These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
