it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
