now i know why i became what i already was.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
