I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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