she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
