just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
