Well apparently he's into motor boating.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
