He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
