i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
