Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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