I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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