I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
